Goodbye

I spent most of the day with my dear Grandma Haslem today. It was heart-wrenching to see her like that-- with her body struggling so hard to stay alive. Mom called me a couple of hours ago to tell me that she had finally passed on. I can't get her off my mind, so I'm hoping that by writing about her I can get it out of my system and maybe get some sleep. On the one hand, I'm so glad she's finally free. My true grandma has been gone for awhile now, and the body she left behind was sadly inadequate.

Grandma was a huge shaping force in my life. When I look back on my childhood, 90% of my memories revolve around her-- Sunday dinner at her house, trips to her mountain property, the Fourth parade, the Haslem Christmas party, the sand dunes, Bear Lake, etc., etc. etc. She was always a solid rock of love in my life. I never had any reason to question it. I KNEW she loved me. I KNEW she would always be on my side. With my parents, they sometimes were and sometimes (as good parents are) weren't. But Grandma would have fought them to let me go to the moon if that would have been what I truly wanted. She was constant in her love for all of us. You could feel it bone deep. Her love often leaked out in the form of food. You couldn't ever visit her without her pulling out a full meal for you-- no matter how much you insisted that you had just eaten. And whenever you sat by her she would hold your hand and stroke it affectionately. She loved music, flowers, and birds. She was a teacher and never passed up an opportunity to educate us about some aspect of nature whenever we were together. She was so proud of all of us grandkids, and made sure that we knew it.

I lived with Grandma for a semester after I came home from my mission, and she cooked my meals and did my laundry like it was the greatest joy in her life to do so. I was dating Brigham at the time, and she scolded him and chased him out when he stayed too late. All of the seven years that we were gone for Brigham's medical training she wanted to know when we were coming home. She delighted in children and chased my kids around her house and tickled them just a couple of months ago. How grateful I am that we moved back in time for me to see her and have her recognize me and love me for awhile. I know my kids most likely won't remember, but I'm glad that they got to see a glimpse of the fun and loving woman that she was.

Brigham likes to tease me sometimes and attribute certain characteristics (such as stubbornness)to us "Haslem women", but I couldn't be more proud to fall into that category. Grandma was a strong, loving, supportive, and fun woman and the epitome of grandmotherly perfection. I hope to be a lot like her one day.

The world just isn't the same without you, Grandma. A huge part of my cheering section is now missing. I miss you so much already. Yours will be one of the first hugs that I want when it is my turn to go home. Thank you for loving me and for always being there. I love you!